I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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