? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
