There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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