Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
