tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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