WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
