i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
