I puked a lego.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
