Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your penis caused this!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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