Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
