WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
