too bad you live with your parents still
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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