Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
