I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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