I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're a waste of cheezeits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
