we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
