So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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