I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
