He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
