dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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