I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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