I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize