youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
