Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
