I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
