My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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