What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
