who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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