Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
