Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
