I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
