did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
