Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
