when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
