I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
