no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize