can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
