I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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