dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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