Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
