Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
