He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
