YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
