At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
