Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
