your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
