I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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