Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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