I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
