dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
