you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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