super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love you.
Bad choice
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
