I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
