ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
