this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
