it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
