a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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