This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
