wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
