Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
