she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I AM VODKA MAN
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just forgot I was standing up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
