that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
