Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
