And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
