respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
