Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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