Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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