I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
